The bubble

First of all, hello everyone, I hope you are doing well, whoever you are and wherever you are. Secondly, I’m going to let the steam out a little bit, sorry. 

Here in Italy Covid-19 is a little less violent, lately, and I’m pretty fine, all things considered. Somehow I’m even hopeful, at least on good days, yet the last time I left home was on March 3rd (I can order my groceries on line and have it delivered at home in a reasonable time) and I admit I’m starting to feel a bit claustrophobic. Also, uncertainty about the future has never been stronger, which of course doesn’t help, especially in a country were future was uncertain even before. Since the pandemic started Italy lives in a sort of bubble within which we wait, wait and see, then wait some more and during all that waiting it’s like floating in mid hair, not knowing if we’ll fly to the sky or crush to the ground. Although it’s common opinion that we will end up falling, but I am not yet so pessimistic

What exactly are we waiting for, then? I’m not sure anybody knows. An happy ending, probably, but we know it’s too soon for that. A cure? Maybe, that would be good but a cure doeasn’t stop you from getting sick in the first place. The most reasonable answer would be a vaccine anti coronavirus, of course, but there’s a lot of water that needs to be under the bridge before we reach that point. Between now and then there’s a big nothing. Personally, I know I’m waiting for something to happen, for what, exactly, it’s a tricky question. Until a certain point the highlight of the day was the 18:00 news where we’d know how many people got sick, how many healed and so on. Statistic on Tv are not so significant anymore, though, they don’t tell us what will happen tomorrow or the next month, they don’t give us a much needed deadline because of course a pandemic doesn’t really have an expiring date. It’s of course good to know it’s slowing down but it’s a fact that it slows down really slowly and there are no real guarantees that it won’t accelerate again as soon as the lockdown becomes less strict.

I can say my own personal bubble is pretty comfortable, though, also family and friends are ok so I really shouldn’t complain, not when we still see mass graves on TV and covid-19 in Italy still kills people by the undred. I try to keep myself busy, I eat healthy food, I exercise a bit every day and I’m learning a lot about watercolor, which is quite relaxing and one of those things I always wanted to learn, so this is at least a good thing. Same goes for paper mache, which is actually kinda tricky but still fun to do and learn. What I miss the most, though, is an actual motivation, a real purprose. Hobbies are a lot of fun and free time is a good learning chance, but I don’t have a job anymore and God knows when I’ll find another one.

Let’s say I can force myself out of a bed for a limited amount of days, and after 47 days I can congratulate myself for my own resiliency, but I’m starting to run out of ideas, creative energy and enthusiasm. I have always kept a high mood and a smile for everyone, even when other people didn’t have one for me, but now I’m a little tired. Needless to say, I am also very sad and disappointed because all my travel and working projects for the summer have gone up in smoke. Again, I know that I can’t really complain, and I swear to God I still have the capability to focus on what I have, not what I miss, but I’ve never, NEVER got along with any kind of constraints and feeling caged is one of the worst feelings I know. Also I have a controlling family, which totally doeasn’t help. In my small way I’m a traveller and every now and then I simply need to leave the nest, or at least to know that I will, soon.

I will always stick to the rules, of course, but I feel like the real fight starts now, and it’s all in my head.

P.S. There’s something I need to say about China too, and I will, very soon, so at least I’ll be slightly more in topic with the main theme of this blog.

P.P.S. The one above is my last watercolor, I shamelessly copied the subject from pinterest just to try my hand and I’m quite happy with the results 🙂 If by any chance you’re curious to check my creative experiments, please visit Art Scraps